Three men created POF profiles.

The Firefighter.

The Race Car Driver.

The Farmer.

Each of them were enamoured with Heather.  And Lisa.  They haven’t met Sophie or Roxy.  Two are intrigued with Sasha.  One is a little nervous of her, I think.

The hottest one is the Italian Race Car Driver.  But finding time for his girlfriend is like finding time to go to the dentist.  He keeps putting it off.  Marco* knows his way around women and cars.  His fiery spirit matches my French Canadian flame.  When we argue, it will be EPIC.  He thinks he wants an Alpha Female … but does he really know what he is getting into?

An alpha female is successful, driven and refuses to yield to the stereotypical female role.  She dominates a male field.  We wear our  Type A personalities like a badge of honour.  I am competitive, ambitious, impatient and thrive around people.  I am an extrovert.  I am unapologetically me.  Don’t like it?  I will quickly show you the door.

And I am a bitch.  I most certainly own that badge and wear it with pride.  Fuck you and the horse you rode in on (no … I love horses!)

So what are the rules to date me?

#1  Does it bother you if I make more money than you?  It shouldn’t.  Why does it matter?  Money isn’t everything.  It’s only money.  Yes, I am happy to pay for dinner.  I would feel horrible if you paid all the time.  Receiving a single tulip will make me cry … because you listened and remembered that I love them much more than roses.  And I am practical.  Who needs to spend a fortune on a dozen long-stemmed roses on Valentine’s Day?  I even counselled my son against setting that precedent with his girlfriend “Dude … you might want to rethink gifting and not start that!”     

I don’t need you.  I want you.  I don’t want your money.  I have my own bank account and have walked away from a fortune.  Because it doesn’t buy you peace, love or happiness.  It’s very liberating to realize this.

In my past life, I would devalue myself.  I foolishly walked away from home-ownership to escape an abuser.  As a renter, I felt like I wasn’t on a level playing field when I had equal equity in mutual funds.  The Law of Attraction brought men who took advantage of my generosity.  No one enjoys being taken advantage of.  And I will not do unto others as he did to me.

#2  Show me some respect.  It goes a long way.  I am not a feminist in the sense that I will be offended if you show me the courtesy of opening the door for me.  I will look you in the eye, smile and say “Thank you!”

Here is a little secret … respect gets you what you want.  Treat me like a Queen and I will treat you like my Lion King.  Treat me with disrespect and I will fight you all the way.  Especially in the bedroom.

And the curious twist to alpha females is that we do love to hand the reins over to you.  I get so tired of being the strong one … that I want a strong male in the bedroom.  I make decisions all day.  I want you to decide where we are going for dinner and how early we go to bed.  I will happily play your submissive.

If you dishonour me, that soft kitten turns into a lioness in seconds.  I have bared my teeth and growled.  And yes, I do bite.

#3  I need to respect you.  If I have no respect for you, you are dead to me.

#4  Alpha Females are more Adventurous.  Don’t EVER slut shame me for taking control of my sex life.  Get rid of that nasty double standard that men are studs and women are sluts.  I take particular care of whom I bed.  If I allow you into my bedroom, handle my desires as you would like your own stroked.

If you scratch my back, I will scratch yours.  And nibble.  And swallow.  Sex is a treat for me.  It’s delicious and I want three meals a day.  OK, maybe not three times a day every day.  I’m not a nymphomaniac.  I just love sex.  You up for it?

#5  I have other interests and commitments.  I don’t want to be by your side all the time.  PLEASE!  Go play hockey or race cars or fight fires.  This means you need to show up and sync your busy schedule with mine.  As best we can.  I will also respect your competing interests and commitments.  Kids come first.  Don’t try to harness my independence.  The door will certainly hit you on the way out.  Hard.  My time with my girlfriends is sacred.

And whatever you do … don’t try to date my friends.  It’s against Girl Code.

#6  Get to know the real me.  I am complicated, like layers and layers of an onion.  Take the time to figure me out outside of the bedroom if you want in.  I throw everything I have at life.  I have a plethora of playdates and favourite past-times.  I paint, I read, I write, I redo furniture.  I love garage sales and antique barns.  I hike.  I bike.  I love the gym and can’t wait until I am cleared to go back after my broken ankle heals (November 22 the cast comes off!  Hopefully!)  I deep dive into blockchain and chip technology.  My son is family, and I love spending time with him.  We cook.  We golf.  We talk on the way to work.  He’s the only person who told me to fuck off and lived to tell the tale.

I won’t be content to stay at home night after night and watch TV with you.  I gave up cable a year ago!   (But just cancelled the service).  I have a hard time letting go.

#7  Argue with me.  Nobody likes a Yes man.  I have opinions that I will defend to the death.  I am outspoken and will challenge the status quo.  But I also know how to compromise.  I am open to negotiation.  Speaking of negotiations, I thoroughly dislike unions.  Don’t get me started on that one.

#8  Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.  Don’t hound me with incessant questions as to where I am or who I am with.  Trust.  I need to trust you (men have rarely given me a reason to trust), but I won’t watch over you.  I will give you enough rope to hang yourself and walk out.  I don’t stick around to make bullshit into a masterpiece.  I love myself too much.

I had to relearn to love myself first.  I lost my voice twenty years ago, but found it again with cancer.

#9  Be confident.  Confidence is sexy as hell!  If you wonder what you are lacking with women, it’s probably confidence.

#10  I do enjoy being female.  I like pretty things and getting dressed up.  I love heels, chocolate, heart shaped cards and ribbons.  Don’t forget that I have a soft, nurturing side.  I cry if a dog is hurt.  On Christmas Eve, I light up the tree, turn all the lights off and reminisce over the past year.  I shed tears of happiness and sadness.  I feel everything deeply.  I multi-task and don’t understand the male brain.  But I have one, I think? At least the left hemisphere.

#11 I am damaged.  Almost eight years of dating.  I used to attract men who need fixing … but now I am the one who needs fixing.  I have a wall of stone with a heavy wooden door around my heart.  And I rarely give out the key.  You will have to coax it out of my hands … gently.  Love.  Trust.  Respect.  Communication.

That’s my story and I am sticking to it.

Back to the three gentlemen  … the firefighter was HOT!  But burned.

The race car driver is hotter, but I am a little worried about him.  He challenges me and sounds too good to be true.  I have to go out on a few more dates to decide.  Marco’s voice is as smooth as silk and we talk for hours.  I know when I have piqued his interest.  He has a cute way of saying “Really …  Really.”  Like it’s a statement.  I want him but wonder if I am playing with fire.  Again.

If you think your Lioness won’t taunt and tease you, watch this video!  Lioness Hunts her Lion

Is the right choice is the farmer?  Or the safe choice?  Andrew* the farmer has a day job and 200 acres for me to hike on (he said he will plunk me in front of him on the ATV for now).  He would call me every day.  He would always make me laugh with his wry wit.  When I said I need to get back to the gym, he said “No you don’t.  I have eight cords of firewood that need to be stacked.”  And he meant it!  He is honest and straight-forward … but perhaps not complicated enough for me?  Why do I always need a fixer upper?  The farmer hasn’t dated since he was seventeen … Do I want to take that project on?  I am a Project Manager … Hmmmmm.

My father and son set the bar high.  Both of them are amazing men who preserve my dignity and deserve my love.

Terri drove by the Firefighter.  Wouldn’t even stop to meet him.  She is nervous of the Italian Job.  I haven’t even told her about the farmer.  He is Andrew #3!  The firefighter was also Andrew* but I referred to him as Brock to lessen confusion.  I can’t help but think dating men with same name is a good idea, no?

Dating.  What a shitshow that is.

This is how my old POF profile read:

I am a paradox of choices.  I’m down to earth, but love gazing at the stars (especially through a real telescope).  I thrive in the vibrant hustle and bustle of downtown life, but will be equally content kayaking through the tranquility of a misty morning lake.  I will enjoy a night out dancing in sexy stilettos as much as I will enjoy lying down on a grassy hill in the middle of nowhere to count the fireflies with you.

I work hard but know how to kick off the heels and unwind.  I love full moon hikes, a glass of wine, and seeing my guy at the end of the day. Let’s curl up and enjoy a double-feature movie night at home or find a drive in.  Or, perhaps we can spend the evening laughing with friends and get into some wickedly good fun while cooking together in the the kitchen? I love to dance, but will let you lead.

I’m looking for that je ne sais quoi mix of intelligence and quiet confidence, a nice guy with a sexy edge. You are healthy, happy, outgoing and generous with your smiles! Hopefully you are active because I could play outside 12 months of the year.  You have successfully navigated life and have a great family, an abundance of friends and a fulfilling career to show for it.  You must have a sense of adventure, curiosity, and not sweat the small stuff. All the ingredients have to be there for us; love, passion, tenderness, communication, patience, playfulness, mutual respect and consideration, and the drive to achieve something wonderful together.  I’m really fifty one but young at heart, so looking for someone who I can relate to.

Non-smoking gentlemen only, please!  Guys, you know the drill! No photos = no response.

Must love dogs!!

Too long.  They never read the entire thing.  I wrote a condensed version for this dip in the pond.  But I still want the nice guy with a sexy edge.

Where is he?

Lisa

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